josephsdailywalkwithjesus

A closer walk with our beloved friend.


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You Know You Are

You know you are old if these describe you: You’re asleep but others worry that you’re dead.

Your back goes out more than you do.

You no longer laugh at Preparation H commercials.

The only reason you’re awake at 4 A. M. is to go pee for the fourth time during the night.

The pharmacy gives you a volume discount.

8 a.m. is your idea of “sleeping in.”

People call you at 8 p.m. and ask: “Did I wake you?”

Digestion is a consideration when reading a menu.

You have to pee so bad you think you are going to go cross eyed. When you finally get to the toilet all that comes out is a tinkle. When you put it back in your pants the rest comes out like a slow river that cannot be stopped. Repeat every hour on the hour except bed time when it is every other hour.

Nobody ever tells you to slow down.

You forget what you went shopping for so you make a list. The next time you go shopping you forget the list at home.

You need the leaf blower to blow out your birthday candles.

Someone breaks wind and you don’t laugh. You hope for their sake it is not a wet fart.

When you talk about “good grass”, you’re referring to someone’s lawn and wonder why the fool kids keep on talking about smoking it.

Soaking your feet in Epsom Salts borders on an erotic experience.

Your ears are hairier than the top of your head.

Your idea of the perfect nightcap is Metamucil.

Good sex is something you can only dream of because your love soldier cannot stand at attention anymore

You know you are alive when you wake up because dead folks do not feel pain all over their body

And finally, every day, you are looking forward to going to your Heavenly home more and more because life here on this planet is getting too crazy for you.

My question is: what idiot thought up the saying: your elder years are your best years?


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Do You Have a BC

With spring time comes the dream of camping. I would like to take a poll. You will find the question at the bottom of the article. Enjoy your camping experience.

The story is told of a lady who was rather old-fashioned, always quite delicate and elegant, especially in her language.

She and her husband were planning a week’s vacation in Florida, so she wrote to a particular campground asking for a reservation.

She wanted to make sure the campground was fully equipped, but didn’t quite know how to ask about the toilet facilities. She just couldn’t bring herself to write the word “toilet” in her letter.

After much deliberation, she finally came up with the old-fashioned term BATHROOM COMMODE. But when she wrote that down, she still thought she was being too forward. So she started all over again and rewrote the entire letter referring to the bathroom commode merely as the BC. “Does the campground have it’s own BC?” is what she actually wrote.

Well, the campground owner wasn’t old-fashioned at all, and when he got the letter, he just couldn’t figure out what the woman was talking about. That BC business really stumped him.

After worrying about it for awhile, he showed the letter to several campers, but they couldn’t imagine what the lady meant either. So the campground owner, finally coming to the conclusion that the lady must be asking about he local Baptist Church, sat down and wrote the following reply:

Dear Madam:

I regret very much the delay in answering your letter, but I now take pleasure in informing you that a BC is located nine miles north of the campground and is capable of seating 250 people at one time.

I admit it is quite a distance away, if you are in the habit of going regularly, but no doubt you will be pleased to know that a great number of people take their lunches along and make a day of it.

They usually arrive early and stay late. It is such a beautiful facility and the acoustics are marvelous. Even the normal delivery sounds can be heard.

The last time my wife and I went was six years ago, and it was so crowded we had to stand up the whole time we were there. It may interest you to know that right now a supper is planned to raise money to buy more seats.

I would like to say it pains me very much not to be able to go more regularly, but it surely is no lack of desire on my part. As we grow old, it seems to be more of an effort, particularly in cold weather.

If you do decide to come down to our campground, perhaps I could go with you the first time you go, sit with you, and introduce you to all the other folks.

Remember, this is a friendly community.

Sincerely, Campground Owner

My question is this: Does the campground you go to have a BC?