Ever ridden a motorcycle?

A biker is riding a new motorcycle on the highway. While passing a car, he knocks on the window. The driver of the car opens the window, “Yes?”

“Ever driven a motorcycle?”

“No I haven’t.”

The biker drives on, until he sees the next car. While passing it, he knocks on the window. The driver of the car opens the window: “Yes?”

“Ever driven a motorcycle?”

“No I haven’t.”

Then suddenly there is a curve, the biker sees it too late. He crashes off the road into a ditch. A car stops and a man runs to the unlucky biker. Covered in blood, the biker asks, “Ever driven a motorcycle?”

“Yes I have. I had a motorcycle for 20 years.”

The biker says, “Tell me, where are the brakes?”

Age Verses Youth.

A wise old gentleman retired and purchased a modest home near a junior high school. He spent the first few weeks of his retirement in peace and contentment.

Then a new school year began. The very next afternoon three young boys full of youthful after-school enthusiasm came down his street beating merrily on every trash can they encountered. The crashing percussion continued day after day, until finally the wise old man decided it was time to take some action.

The next afternoon, he walked out to meet the young percussionists as they banged their way down the street. Stopping them, he said, “You kids are a lot of fun. I like to see you express your exuberance like that. I used to do the same thing when I was your age. Will you do me a favor? I’ll give you each a dollar if you’ll promise to come around every day and do your thing.”

The kids were elated and continued to do a bang-up job on the trash cans.

A few days later, the wily retiree approached them again as they drummed their way down the street. “Look” he said, “I haven’t received my Social Security (Pension) check yet, so I’m not going to be able to give you more than 25 cents. Will that be okay?”

“A lousy quarter?” the drum leader exclaimed. “If you think we’re going to waste our time beating these cans around for a quarter, you’re nuts! No way, mister. We quit!”

And the old man enjoyed peace and serenity for the rest of his days. Who says us old foggies are brain dead?

He Has a Wonderful Sense .

A cheerful heart is good medicine Proverbs 17:22 THE HOLY BIBLE, THE New Living Translation

There is so many times I think The Holy Spirit hides things on me. I will search and search and not find what I am looking for.

Then I pray to The Holy Spirit to show me where it is.

I no sooner finish the prayer and what I am looking for jumps out in front of me in an obvious places. I know I searched there but could not see it.

I am certain The Holy Spirit has a wonderful sense of humour. Joseph- Anthony a son of Jehovah

Prayer: Thank you Jehovah El SIMCHAH GIYL (God my Exceeding Joy John 15:11 ) for blessing me with such Heavenly joy with Your delightful sense of humour. I praise You in the name of He who shared so much humpour in His sermons, Jesus Christ. Amen

This photo and article @ Joseph- Anthony a son of Jehovah Anyone is free to use this material and distribute it, but it may not be sold under any circumstances whatsoever without the author’s written consent

indeovi vas ( may you live with Jesus in Latin )

Has a Wonderful Sense of Humor

Speaking from personal experience, I know Jesus has a wonderful sense of humor and many times laugh my head off at some of the jokes He has played on me. Joseph- Anthony a son of Jehovah

We Keep the Ten Commandments.

Pa and Ma were at church, and as they were leaving the minister said, “Pa, I wish we’d see you here more than twice a year!”

Pa said, “Ya, I know, but at least we keep the ten commandments.”

The minister said, “Well, that’s good you keep the ten commandments.”

And Pa said, “Ya, Ma keeps six of ’em and I keep the other four…

The four I keep is :

to agree that ma is always right.

I agree that everything is my fault because I am a man.

Ma will receive her breakfast in bed at 7 a.m. sharp.

And finally, Ma’s soap operas take precedence over my football games on TV.”

How Gullible Are We?

A student won first prize a School Science Fair. In their project They urged people to sign a petition demanding strict control or total elimination of the chemical “dihydrogen monoxide.” And for plenty of good reasons, since:

1. It can cause excessive sweating and vomiting.

2. It is a major component in acid rain.

3. It can cause severe burns in its gaseous state.

4. Accidental inhalation can kill you.

5. It contributes to erosion.

6. It decreases effectiveness of automobile brakes.

7. It has been found in tumors of terminal cancer patients.

50 people were asked if they supported a ban of the chemical.

Forty-three (43) said yes, six (6) were undecided, and the last one?

Well, only one (1) knew that the chemical, dihydrogen monoxide, was water (H2O).

The title of the prize winning project: “How Gullible Are We?”

And You Thought Your Family was Weird.

Many, many years ago
When I was twenty three,
I got married to a widow,
Pretty as could be.

This widow had a grown-up daughter
With flowing hair of red.
My father fell in love with her,
And soon the two were wed.

This made my dad my son-in-law
And changed my very life.
Now my daughter was my mother,
For she was my father’s wife.

To complicate the matters worse,
Although it brought me joy.
I soon became the father
Of a bouncing baby boy.

My little baby then became
A brother-in-law to dad.
And so became my uncle,
Though it made me very sad.

For if he was my uncle,
Then that also made him brother
To the widow’s grown-up-daughter
Who, of course, was my step-mother.

Father’s wife then had a son,
Who kept them on the run.
And he became my grandson,
For he was my daughter’s son.

My wife is now my mother’s mother
And it makes me blue.
Because, although she is my wife,
She’s my grandma too.

If my wife is my grandmother,
Then I am her grandchild.
And every time I think of it,
It simply drives me wild.

For now I have become
The strangest case you ever saw.
As the husband of my grandmother,
I am my own grandpa!

You Know You Are

You know you are old if these describe you: You’re asleep but others worry that you’re dead.

Your back goes out more than you do.

You no longer laugh at Preparation H commercials.

The only reason you’re awake at 4 A. M. is to go pee for the fourth time during the night.

The pharmacy gives you a volume discount.

8 a.m. is your idea of “sleeping in.”

People call you at 8 p.m. and ask: “Did I wake you?”

Digestion is a consideration when reading a menu.

You have to pee so bad you think you are going to go cross eyed. When you finally get to the toilet all that comes out is a tinkle. When you put it back in your pants the rest comes out like a slow river that cannot be stopped. Repeat every hour on the hour except bed time when it is every other hour.

Nobody ever tells you to slow down.

You forget what you went shopping for so you make a list. The next time you go shopping you forget the list at home.

You need the leaf blower to blow out your birthday candles.

Someone breaks wind and you don’t laugh. You hope for their sake it is not a wet fart.

When you talk about “good grass”, you’re referring to someone’s lawn and wonder why the fool kids keep on talking about smoking it.

Soaking your feet in Epsom Salts borders on an erotic experience.

Your ears are hairier than the top of your head.

Your idea of the perfect nightcap is Metamucil.

Good sex is something you can only dream of because your love soldier cannot stand at attention anymore

You know you are alive when you wake up because dead folks do not feel pain all over their body

And finally, every day, you are looking forward to going to your Heavenly home more and more because life here on this planet is getting too crazy for you.

My question is: what idiot thought up the saying: your elder years are your best years?

Do You Have a BC

With spring time comes the dream of camping. I would like to take a poll. You will find the question at the bottom of the article. Enjoy your camping experience.

The story is told of a lady who was rather old-fashioned, always quite delicate and elegant, especially in her language.

She and her husband were planning a week’s vacation in Florida, so she wrote to a particular campground asking for a reservation.

She wanted to make sure the campground was fully equipped, but didn’t quite know how to ask about the toilet facilities. She just couldn’t bring herself to write the word “toilet” in her letter.

After much deliberation, she finally came up with the old-fashioned term BATHROOM COMMODE. But when she wrote that down, she still thought she was being too forward. So she started all over again and rewrote the entire letter referring to the bathroom commode merely as the BC. “Does the campground have it’s own BC?” is what she actually wrote.

Well, the campground owner wasn’t old-fashioned at all, and when he got the letter, he just couldn’t figure out what the woman was talking about. That BC business really stumped him.

After worrying about it for awhile, he showed the letter to several campers, but they couldn’t imagine what the lady meant either. So the campground owner, finally coming to the conclusion that the lady must be asking about he local Baptist Church, sat down and wrote the following reply:

Dear Madam:

I regret very much the delay in answering your letter, but I now take pleasure in informing you that a BC is located nine miles north of the campground and is capable of seating 250 people at one time.

I admit it is quite a distance away, if you are in the habit of going regularly, but no doubt you will be pleased to know that a great number of people take their lunches along and make a day of it.

They usually arrive early and stay late. It is such a beautiful facility and the acoustics are marvelous. Even the normal delivery sounds can be heard.

The last time my wife and I went was six years ago, and it was so crowded we had to stand up the whole time we were there. It may interest you to know that right now a supper is planned to raise money to buy more seats.

I would like to say it pains me very much not to be able to go more regularly, but it surely is no lack of desire on my part. As we grow old, it seems to be more of an effort, particularly in cold weather.

If you do decide to come down to our campground, perhaps I could go with you the first time you go, sit with you, and introduce you to all the other folks.

Remember, this is a friendly community.

Sincerely, Campground Owner

My question is this: Does the campground you go to have a BC?